The Issue from Oslo

I have a crush on a boy
but it's difficult.


The Crush, He, Himself, known as Oslo, lives with and is best of friends with my ex-boyfriend Spencer.

So we met under a mutual friend guise and never had a chance to flirt, but I think he's gorgeous.
More than gorgeous, I think he's one of the most splendid men I've ever had the pleasure to know.

And I am still very close with Spencer, and I don't want to betray him again, I don't want to have a crush on his best friend and risk breaking his heart again. But ultimately I am a selfish person and I Do want it too. I want and I don't want.

Though I doubt Oslo's ever thought of me as anything other than a mate because I am so Not on the radar -

a) I'm Spencer's ex-girlfriend and hence a No-Go
b) he's gorgeous and girls flirt with him outrageously, unlike me, who can't because Spencer is always there
c) I feel like I have said to many things that lack in ALLURING and MYSTIC. Don't lads want to chase? And I've talked casually about having sex, making me seem so easy

And I'm not easy, I'm quite particular, it's just that sex Is a part of my life and I don't make a habit of hiding from the truth.

Oh, bollocks. What does a girl do?

About a week ago I had an encounter with a far-too-large penis.

I'm not trying to be vulgar, but there's a limit to any pussy and I don't want to push mine to accommodate  this visitor.

The boy, who we will call Yugo, came onto the scene around christmas. I've known him through friends for a year or two and always thought he was the prettiest boy in the room but it had been some time since we'd seen each other until recently. 

We bumped into each other in a bookstore in December and while flirting I made the decision to sleep with my socially awkward and beautiful acquaintance.  

Before the week was out I was in his bed.

I am still unsure as to whether I took his virginity or not, but put simply he was so loving that I think I may have. All cuddles and compliments. Really sweet. Too sweet even. Sugar syrup.

It was pretty fun that first time, if tiring (we had sex practically all night) but I was a bit ill and quite tired and really god damn sore by morning. 

Yugo drove me home and I lost interest. (Nothing to chase why bother?)

But then, a fortnight ago Yugo was quite determined to catch up again - he was going on holiday, wanted to see me before he left. We hung out but he was treating me like a girlfriend. That bothered me so he wasn't allowed to stay over. (It was slightly awkward having to get rid of him, especially when we came home and my male best friend was sitting on the couch, looking as confident and attractive as ever)

A week or so after this date, with a few back and forth texts and it was the day before his scheduled departure and all of a sudden it seemed Yugo was picking me up from a gig at 1am to 'hang out at his house'.

Basically a night of near constant, sometimes weird, often good, sex began.

It was pretty rough a few times, no one had ever tried to strangle me before.

But he's a good kid and would take a 'no'.

Actually, that's not true. After a while his very large penis became too much for me and I felt like sandpaper. And no matter how many times I told him off the horny bastard would try at it again a few minutes later.

A night of such activity left me pretty battered - bruised, sore, bitten and generally careworn with a scuffed up nose from his stubble scratching it raw.

Simply put, I hope he's not looking for too much when he get's home, because I've got to retire from such aberrant activities.

A year ago all I wanted was to sleep with my boyfriend's friend.

We'll call the ex boyfriend Spencer. And that school friend? We'll call him The Jock.
Around 13 months ago Spencer ridiculously decided to go on a trip to South America smack bang in the middle of summer, leaving me to become accustomed to my new house and begin making some new friends. It turned out that The Jock, my new neighbour just happened to know Spencer and before I could say 'where's the corkscrew?' my new drinking partner was found.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? In this instance it made the heart forgetful.
There was always a reason to hang out with The Jock, and as the summer days wore on my brain conveniently forgot all the reasons I loved Spencer and channeled them into loving The Jock. I was more heartsick in those times than ever before.

When the long anticipated return of Spencer came to pass I broke up with him as soon as possible. Less than 24 hours later I kissed an old friend - Butcher - and before four days had come to pass I had slept with The Jock.

It was around this time that the term Penis Drought became prominent - The Jock was less of a jock and more of a joke in the bedroom. I'd gone and broken up with my loving boyfriend for a virgin, who quickly ceased to be a virgin and was in fact rubbish at sex.
And while this did nothing to quash my feelings for him, he quickly tired of the pressure I put on him for sex, becoming increasingly embarrassed. His huge fear of children also didn't work well with my general apathy towards condoms (I am more responsible now, promise)

Basically The Jock and I as a couple fell apart quickly - the fact that we'd had to keep it secret didn't help matters. At this point all I had to show for my efforts was a perpetually heart broken ex boyfriend, Butcher chasing me, and a friend that I could not seem to get over.

A year later, the Jock is probably my best friend. I see Spencer loads, with plenty of sleepovers. We even hold hands and cuddle. Unfortunately for Spence I am now in love with his bestfriend. It's not my fault, he's heaven.

I'm going to try and keep up this little blog to entertain myself for a while, hopefully it works.

This is the first post

So I rang in the new year the way any self respecting fool does - at a party where I knew nothing of the hosts, following friends while myself trailing strangers, lusting after a boy I can't have while avoiding eye contact with the ex boyfriend who himself was just inadvertently trailing me.
Sounds glorious hey?